I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
