Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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