think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
