I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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