I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
