just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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