I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
