happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
