break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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