You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
