someone get that fucking seahorse.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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