just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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