If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
