you guys were way drunker than both of me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
