He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
