All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
