Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
