If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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