Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize