So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
