Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize