Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
