forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
