I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
