I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
