i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
