The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
