I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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