I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
