plz talk dirty to me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
