A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
