Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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