I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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