Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
