Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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