It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
When are your genitals available?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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