Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
