i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
