now i know why i became what i already was.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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