My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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