The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
