I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
