the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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