I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
