when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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