They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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