Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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