I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
