So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
just found out that she named her cat after me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
