the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
