I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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