so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
