Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
