I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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