You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
