I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
