too bad you live with your parents still
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
