barbara walters just said penis...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
