Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
