I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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