You can't special order awesome
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
