I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
