Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
