I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
