my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize