Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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