Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
As shirtless as possible
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize