Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
