Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize