Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
