Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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