I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think I just sharted jello shots
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