I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
