He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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