So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
