my sisters under your porch take her home
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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