You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
