omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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