I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
