I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
