they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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